I may not be the most cool and calculated of all individuals. That said, there are few things in this world that can reduce me to hysterical screams of frustration. One of them is the Hastings Observer.

The editor is widely known to be a total and utter tosspiece. However, with every weekly edition, my disbelief in the declining quality of the newspaper grows ever stronger. Last week truly took the biscuit.

The shark. The fucking shark.

"TEENAGERS ATTACKED BY SHARK... 'a wave went over us and this huge thing leapt into the boat... it went back into the sea, only to come back for a second time... we kept whacking it... When we were sure it was dead, we hauled it back into the dinghy, got it back to the beach and took a picture of it. But it was a really frightening experience' "

Where to start?

Not only have they made a rubbish and thoroughly insignificant story front page news, they have also glorified the actions of two attention-seeking teenagers who were clearly lying through their teeth. The article mentions that the Blue Reef Aquarium staff identified the shark as being utterly harmless and unlikely to attack a dinghy. Ergo, these boys bludgeoned a terrified animal to death, dragged it back to shore, took some photos and ended up being on the front page of the Observer. In these times of rising violence and 5-minute fame, I like to see our local source of emergency toilet paper demonstrating unblemished moral standards in reporting practice.

I'm also regularly made incandescent by their constant reportage of ranting from widow Marion Ham. Ms. Ham's "fit and healthy" husband died at the Conquest after developing an infection - MRSA - after a chest procedure performed as an inpatient. (A common pasttime of the fit and healthy, chest surgery)

The infection issue is now so in the public eye that a housekeeper said to me recently, "It's terrible, all these people getting ill because we don't have the proper equipment." It made me so angry that the blame culture had filtered all the way to the overworked housekeepers for something that they had no responsibility for worrying about. For the record, all new patients are now screened for MRSA at the Conquest. I've had the endless joy of processing the specimens.

It amuses me a little when people who know fuck-all about microbiology get all het up, pointlessly, about hospital-acquired infection. After decades of having antimicrobials thrown at them, bacteria have asserted the fact that they are the most successful life form in existence. Bacteria deserve our respect, damn it! Stay fit, eat well; no drug can substitute a competent immune system.

*blows you kisses*

QOTD: "No-one can carry off socks and sandals. In fact, you should be carried off."

N.B. Pneumonia used to be known as "the old man's friend." Bacterial infection is usually what kills and it can be a very pleasant death.

P.S. Loads more stuff I have to write about, but again, it isn't the right time.